Wednesday, August 16, 2006
ok so my grades arent as good as i thought. frikkin shit. i only have 2 subjects above average. TWO. sheesh. i hate 2M. got the holistic report thing today. frikkin shit the art teacher said i didnt put in enough effort.
didnt put in enough effort?! DIDNT PUT IN ENOUGH EFFORT!?!? shit do you know how many hours i spent researching on the computer!? how many hours i spent planning?! how much money i spent on brushes and paints and oil pastels!? HOW MANY FRIKKIN TIMES I PRACTICED MY PAINTING UNTIL I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO!? PUT IN MORE EFFORT!?! i dont just go into the art room and start painting. it took me 3 weeks to plan and everything. sheesh. just because i tend to stone when i am depressed doesnt mean i dont do work at home. gay shit.
i am at the lowest of the lowest ever. exams are a month and a half away. i havent started studying. theres tons to study for geog, history and chinese. there are so many smart people i doubt i'll even get into triple. nobody seems to be taking anything i say seriously, i should cry or explode in class for once and show them. my parents arent even pleased with my results and they wont be any happier when they see the mark sheet for the whole class. there goes my chance to go for hannahs party. freakkk. its not my frikkin fault, i am improving, its just that everyone is smarter than me. bah. if i could just skip this two months of my life and jump straight to the end of october. school should sell alcohol. i am complaining again but i'm not going to stop. i should have asked mom to write to ms kon and transfer me to 2s so i can study better, i dont work well under pressure and intense competition. there goes my chance of ever getting better cos next year if i want to go for triple i will definitely be in a smart class with even more intense competion. why is it that everytime i try to do my best, its never enough. why didnt god make me smart and driven like other people. just the thought of all the stuff i have to memorize gives me a headache. plus abstinence is stressful, its not really helping at all, like hiatus. its just make want to do it moreeee. sigh, thats just life i guess, some people are born smart, some are born popular and i am just born nobody.
DAWN.
the stupidest shit ever.
2:51 PM
-â¢-
